WARNING. THIS RANT INCLUDES SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK 'FANG' IN THE MAXIMUM RIDE SERIES.
IF YOU WISH TO FIND OUT HOW TERRIBLE THIS BOOK IS BY YOURSELF, LEAVE THIS PAGE NOW.



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Ok,

Well after reading a lass's lovely rant review (down in artist description), I decided to make one of my own.

In just a few words and phrases, I can describe this whole book:

Nuttin' but bad fluff,

Terrible,

No plot

Terrible

Short

WTF?

Did I mention terrible?

This book is absolutely horrid. The ending just wanted to make me rip my hair out and hit a puppy. Yes. It was that bad.

Let me tell you, some of the characters aren't even in character.

What's this? "How?" you ask? Well, let me tell you about Max.

Max, is no longer(she actually got OOC when book four came, yet this book just takes the cake) your average kick-butt-who-doesn't-take-shit-from-anybody-girl. No, she's a fluffy, whiny, lovesick, emotional drama queen who cares about herself more than her own Flock. She cries and whines and hardly fights to the death in this book. She just sits on the sidelines too busy sucking Fang's face to even know what's going on. Seriously.
It's not even cute in this book how much time she obsesses over Fang, and wants to be alone with him. Before she was all,"Save Flock, love later." Now she's all"OMG HE LEFT ME, WHY DID HE LEAVE? OK MY FLOCK IS STARVING AND FIGHTING TO THE DEATH BUT HE LEFT ME WHICH MAKES THE LEADER UPSET SO THAT MAKES IT MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT???" I'm not even kidding.
SERIOUSLY. I mean really?

At one point in the book, her and Fang were sucking faces, while her Flock was fighting Erasers(who happened to pop out of nowhere and then just disappear after being tossed out a window, never to be mentioned again. Fail much?) When they came back, Max tried to be all, "What happened? Are you Ok? What's going' on here?" To which Iggy, actually no, lemme find it, I'll show you.
Ah, yes. Chapter 44:

"What the heck happened?" I asked, taking in Iggy's bloody nose, Nudge's pained face.

"Erasers," said Iggy angrily. "Erasers happened. But enough about us. How was your joyride?"


Pause. See? Iggy, oh, you stole the words right from my mouth. Oh, but that's not all:

"I heard the choppers," I said. "I came back as fast as I could." I was still trying to process the "Erasers" part.

"Whatever, Max." Iggy shook his head angrily. "You and Fang were off together-like always. The rest of us could have died here, but as long as you two get your face time, it doesn't matter!"


Have I told you that Iggy is my favorite character?

No? Well he is. Even before he said this. In the very first book, when he first said, "bite me," I knew I was going to love him.

Iggy fans unite!


Anyway,
See what I mean? They were sucking faces, while the rest of the Flock were being beaten by things that were long "retired" since the, what, third, fourth book?

And before that. When Max was like, home schooling them. I mean really. Now that was funny. I will show you that, too.

I wanted to forget about everything and escape into Fang's kiss. Don't think, just feel.


See? What'd I tell you!

"Where's Max?" I heard Gazzy say out in the hall, and Iggy responded.
"Wherever Fang is, of course." They laughed.

I pulled away from Fang. Even this was being ruined.
"They're okay," said Fang, bending his head again.

A second later, I nearly jumped out of my ski, though.

"Oh, Fang, you're so haaandsooome," I heard. It sounded like me-standing right next to me.

That was Gazzy, doing one of his absolutely perfect impersonations. He also had a gift for throwing his voice.

"Max! Let me take you away from all this! My darling!" If I hadn't been holding Fang-and also hadn't known that he would never say something that corny-I would have sworn it was him. Cackling laughter.
Fang and I leaned our foreheads against each other.
"Whoa-watch it!" There was a loud crash, and I practically pushed Fang into the wall. Yanking the door open, I strode down the hall. "What's going on out here?"I demanded, hands on hips.
Nothing," Gazzy said, smirking. "What's going on in there?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and my face burned. That's when I saw it: a pile of broken dishes and leftover food all over the floor.
"Who did this?"
"It was me," Gazzy said in Nudge's voice.
"Hey!" she said. "They were wrestling."
"You're supposed to be studying." I snapped.
"Oh, while you get to make kissy-face with Fang in the bathroom?" Iggy sneered. "I don't think so."

And in the next chapter, Iggy does something even better, although I don't want to keep typing the scene from the books.

As you can see, Max is all over Fang, and if those two were just a little less responsible, the book would probably be banned because they'd be going at it on the bathroom floor.

I'm also seriously when I say, that I actually kinda liked when they kicked Max outta the Flock, for like, a day though of course. Of course Fang went with her, and they went to Vegas, and a casino, and got jackpot, and whatever.

Then there was also Dylan, who I'm surprised didn't go with the new Max.

Who is Dylan?

Your typical Mary-Sue. Or Gary-Stu for guys.

Dark blonde hair, turquoise eyes, over six feet tall, muscular, something out of like, a Hollywood magazine. He's Max's "perfect other half". Basically, they want her to get together with the guy, and have a bunch of butt fuck babies to be an heir to the throne for the New World if she dies. Oh whoops. That's an 'ANGEL' spoiler. Whatever. Heads up, 'ANGEL' kinda sucks, too. Not as much as this one though.
He also is basically just like Max. Always agrees with her and all, saying she's an amazing leader or what not. They say "perfect other half." What do I say? Kiss-up-Stu.
Oh, and when he spits on his wound, it heals. Gross, I know.

Blah, blah, blah, Imma skip to a different part. Fang leaves, gets captured by Dr. Hans-Gunther. Who is he? Stupid evil guy. Whatever.

And then Fang dies. And while the rest of the Flock are fighting like bad-asses, Max is right next to Fang, ignoring EVERYTHING, except Fang. She keeps starting at the heart monitor, like it's gonna start again. Then she finds an adrenaline shot. It also says something like "DANGER" or "WARNING" on it. Can't remember, not going back into the shitty book to find out.   

What does she do?

She stabs it, right into his heart.

This was probably happening, just in a few simple sentences, instead of two paragraphs,
"OMG OHMYGOD OHMYGOD FANG'SDYING- OH LOOK AN ADRENALINE SHOT!!! IT LOOKS DANGEROUS AND PROBABLY HAS A 99% CHANCE OF MAKING THE SITUATION EVEN WORSE. BUT FANG MIGHT COME BACK TO LIFE SO IT DOESNT MATTER!!! LET'S STAB HIM ANYWAY!"

And she does.

And guess what?

THE FUCKING KID LIVES!

And Max starts sobbing into his shirt and what not.

Then Dylan takes one of the shots, and is about to stab Dr. Hans right? Then Max tells him to not do it. So what does Dylan do?
Stabs it in himself.

And he survives.

Now after that,I expected something else to happen, so I was pretty pissed when I turned the page, and it says EPILOGUE!

THAT, was the end of the story. I am not even kidding. Then there was Total's doggy wedding, with a practical mute Alaskan Malamute, and then Fang leaves again,this time,leaving a long ass love note to our dear Maximum. And if in the end, he's still alive, o meet him a top the tower where they learned to fly with the hawks (see book one, 'The Angel Experiment'. I guarantee you, WAY better than this. My favorite out of all seven books ) in TWENTY YEARS.
What?

WHAT?

Wow.

Just.
Wow.

I would add more, but I've been typing for a while now, so.

Basically, the whole book was like giant turd, baked into rectangular pieces, glued together, with a cover of some guy like Zac Efron.

The only one who was really in character was Iggy.
Angel wanted to take over the Flock(she even pointed a gun at ax and threatened to shoot)
Nudge, quieter I guess.
Gazzy, well, he was okay, too.
Fang? No.
Max? The worst. She used to be maybe my third favorite. Now, she like, my least. I'm even starting to like Max II or Maya, better than her. THAT IS HOW OUT OF CHARACTER SHE HAS GOTTEN. TO THE POINT WHERE HER CLONE IS BETTER THAN HER.

I hope you enjoyed. This was fun to write.

Peace out.